spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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