I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
