Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
