Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
