batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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