Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
