FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
her facebook's as public as her vagina
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
