Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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