and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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