I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
