I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
