literally had 100 drinks last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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