I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
