i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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