He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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