You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
