I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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