he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
