ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Who wears a wallet chain?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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