I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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