You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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