She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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