This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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