take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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