So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My ATM looks so different sober.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
