Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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