So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
