I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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