you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
