I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
