Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
