2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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