so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
