Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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