I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i think i just lost a toe
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
