Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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