My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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