Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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