so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she woke up with a sticky ear
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
