she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
