Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
