I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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