We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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