I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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