Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
