flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
