this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
