How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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