You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
