Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
