No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
