i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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