I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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