I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
