there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
