he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
