I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
