I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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