he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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