How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
