Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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